Struggling 2 Survive

From 06/03/2018 Last night was on of the worst nights I have had in a long time.  I had a manic episode and a panic attack. Looking back, I can honestly say I knew it was coming.  So many things that happened leading up to last night so I can honestly say I am not surprised.  Even in the midst of my episode, a part of me knew that I would be okay.  I believe last night needed to happen to show me some things I have been questioning. And once I was able to calm down, it was if this heaviness lifted, the fog cleared and I felt a sense of peace. Many days before a manic episode, one may experience lack of sleep where they may only be sleeping for a few hours each day. One might also be extremely irritable, emotional and have periods of depression.  I knew I was in the midst of an episode once I realized I was manically cleaning the bathroom and kitchen at 1:30 am.  Once I finished that, I felt a tightness in my chest and it became harder for me to breath...

Today, I will live today. Yesterday has passed. Tomorrow is not yet. I'm left with today. So, today.  I will live today. Relive yesterday? No. I will learn from it. I will seek mercy for it. I will take joy in it. But I won't live in it. The sun has set on yesterday. The sun has yet to rise on tomorrow. Worry about the future? To what gain? It deserves a glance, nothing more. I can't change tomorrow until tomorrow. Today, I will live today. I will face today's challenges with today's strength. I will dance today's waltz with today's music. I will celebrate today's opportunities with today's hope. Today.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you."                                                                                     -Maya Angelou Struggling 2 Survive was born just last night through lots tears and frustration.  As I laid in the bed, tears in my eyes, trying to stop the racing thoughts, "I'm struggling to survive" kept replaying in my mind over and over again.  Then I heard, "write through the pain" and so I did. Lately, I have been reading and listening to the words of two of the greatest writers, Maya Angelou and James Baldwin.  As I take it in, it reminds me that we (my generation)  must continue to tell our stories.  There are many of us who have gone through so much, yet we survived.  I think it is i...